A friend of mine recommended Dr. Dobson's Bringing up Girls. I finished it last week. Not only did it have great parenting advice, but also a lot of insight into the female psyche. I definitely understand myself better after reading this book! He includes a lot of personal stories from his own childhood and parenting experiences, and also stories from other families that he has met - this was my favorite aspect of the book.
Dr. Dobson is a licensed psychologist with a PhD in child development from the University of Southern California. He was a professor of pediatrics at University of Southern California School of Medicine for 14 years and worked at Childrens Hospital Los Angeles for 17 years. He is also a very strong Christian and father of two.
His book is full of statistics about young girls in the 21st century. He focuses on the father-daughter relationship for a good four chapters and also includes chapters on mother-daughter relationships, the obsession with beauty, puberty, bullying, and interviews with young women.
The book begins with a look at women in the 21st century - and the many struggles they face. From Hollywood to local neighborhoods, girls are struggling with eating disorders, low self esteem, sexual consequences, and substance abuse. Dobson calls parents to step up and help little girls grow into confident, mature women with an ability to navigate and be leaders in the current culture.
He gives a lot of support to stay-at-home-moms, saying that children greatly benefit from being home with mom or a close family member. Dobson writes " Brain development is greatly influenced and aided by the care and attention given in a nursery by mothers, grandmothers, or mother-substitutes. As months pass, this attachment provides a secure base that encourages exploration of the surrounding environment" (p. 62). He also writes "It comes down to this: kids thrive in an environment of order, vigilance, and close supervision, which is very difficult to provide by those who come home every night exhausted, distracted, and frazzled...I recommend that mothers who do have an option consider the welfare of their children first, especially when they are young. Attachment won't wait." He doesn't condemn working moms, but encourages them to prioritize their families over their careers - even if they are not able to stay at home five days a week.
Later chapters focus mostly on dads or the family as a whole. Dobson gives stats and cites several authors that discuss the intense need girls have for affirmation from their fathers. Fathers are the primary way girls gain self-worth and confidence, according to Dobson. He interviews girls with different family backgrounds and the stories all confirm the importance of fathers. Many of the struggles girls are facing are rooted in broken relationships with their fathers.
He gives a lot of information about the current culture and the dangers of letting kids learn morals primarily at school or from TV. Basically, the culture is telling girls that their worth depends on how "sexy" they are - how appealing they are to men. I definitely agree with Dobson - just look at magazines, commercials and TV shows. Just walk through the mall and pass Victoria Secrets. When girls aim to look and act like the girls on TV, the results can be devastating. Dobson devotes a whole chapter on the consequences girls are facing as they follow "river of culture"
The book ends with encouragement. A list of tangibles that many families could easily incorporate in their daily lives to help foster maturity and self-confidence in their girls includes:
1. Have dinner with your children. 2. Take your children to church or synagogue weekly. 3. Check your child's homework nightly. 4. Demand the truth from your children. 5. Take your children on vacation for at least a week at a time. 6. Encourage them to participate in a team sport.
Finally, Dr. Dobson concludes that the key in parenting is to introduce children Jesus Christ and "cultivate their understanding of Him at every opportunity". When a child has a higher purpose in life - serving the Lord Jesus Christ- then they will be able to handle life's challenges successfully and with the right perspective. Knowing that God loves them and created them for a special purpose gives children confidence and courage. I totally agree! Dr. Dobson breaks the parenting task down into four components - which is nice for us who like the tangibles: 1. Talk to your children about the Lord and His mercies continually.
2. Begin teaching your children to pray as early as possible.
3. Teach understanding of the bible and have children memorize scripture at an early age.
4. Pray without ceasing.
I love #4. As much as us parents try to do the right things, we will always mess up. But the Lord can make beautiful things from messes - and that's why we need to constantly humble ourselves before Him and ask for His help to raise the next generation.
I highly recommend Bringing Up Girls! I haven't read Bringing Up Boys, but its also been recommended by several people.
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