Its was a quick read for me because I found it so interesting.
Written to an American/Western audience, Payne gives 4 areas for simplification to help parents nourish their children's childhoods. In his first chapter, Why Simplify, Payne gives several reasons to simplify:
"By simplifying, we protect the environment for childhood's slow, essential unfolding of self"
"Too much stuff leads to too little time and too little depth in the way kids see and explore their worlds"
"Behavioral tendencies (referring to irritability, ADD, etc.) can be soothed or relaxed by creating calm"
He suggests simplifying 4 key areas: Environment, rhythm, schedules, and filtering out the adult world.
In the chapter on environment, Payne suggests dramatically reducing the number of toys, books, and clothes that your child has. He suggests that too many choices and too many things can stress out our kids and give them a sense of false entitlement. He suggests toys that encouragement movement, art, music, texture, and "deep play" or concentration. Stay away from too much plastic and lights and sounds, he says. Leave room for creativity and for your child's imagination to be fostered.
In the chapter on rhythm, predictability is recommended to eliminate too much stress in children's lives. Payne does NOT say that childhood should be free of stress and hardship, but he wants to gives parents tools to protect childhood and the benefits of free play and exploration. He recommends making everyday activities more rhythmic, from teeth brushing to cleaning to getting out the door. An example given is waking your child each day: try doing the same routine each morning. Maybe you can open their door and let them hear the sounds of the house, or sit on their bed and sing a soft song or two to transition them. He says such rhythm can "allow a child's brain to maintain balance, and to flow through its willing, thinking, and feeling centers. If constantly on the run, and always reacting to changing circumstances...They operate from the part of the brain that is quick to react, but less able to consider things thoroughly or flexibly."
Rhythms do more than just maintain brain flow - they also create connections in the family. Payne says "rhythms establish trust" and give opportunities for relationship building in the intervals between activities.
Chapter five is all about schedules and how to simplify them. He recommends that children under age 11 not be over-involved in sports and that they should have at least one season to rest their bodies - to prevent injuries from over use and burn out. According to University of Michigan researchers, kids in 1997 had about 25% of their time free compared to 40 % of the day for kids in 1981. Most kids are so busy, they don't have time to enjoy the activities they are involved in, Payne says. He states it this way:
"Activity without downtime is ultimately - like a plant without roots - unsustainable. "
He also says boredom is a gift - an opportunity to foster creativity in kids and allow them to entertain themselves. He also says that ordinary days in a child's life allow for exceptional days and that they are the "sustaining notes of daily life...They are notes that allow high notes to be high and low notes to be low...".
Finally, the chapter on filtering out the adult world discusses the importance of eliminating adult stress from children's lives. They don't need to know about global warming, fighting going on oversees, the latest murder in the town. Sure, they may hear about it, but kids don't need to be exposed to such problems daily. He suggests limiting and possibly eliminating television and video game time to help eradicate these stresses. He also recommends parents to not discuss financial problems, marital problems and other adult issues in front of kids.
My favorite part of this chapter was his recommendation on filtering our speech. He says that all of our speech should go through a filter of "kind, necessary, and true". If our topic isn't kind, necessary or true, then its best not to mention. This helps parents talk less and listen more. This also adds weight to our words and protects kids from the habit of gossip.
So there is my review! I loved this book and recommend it to any parent at any stage!
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